I woke up today with the sound of the wind and rain lashing the windows, doors, walls, roof, guttering and any other parts of the house I could think of in order to increase the length of this article. In short it did not look like a promising day if I was looking to get a nice suntan but I was not looking to get a nice suntan, I was looking to have a good afternoon of fishing and with the weather clearing up by 11am off I went into the grey to see what I could catch at Cheshire Fishing near Tattenhall.[wpgmza id=”14″] The Bouncing Mirror Carp Marks The Spot.
Upon arrival at Cheshire Fishing you do need to check into the shop to get your day ticket. The problem with Cheshire Fishing is that if you’ve got any money in your wallet you’re likely to spend most of it as they have one of the best stocked tackle shops I’ve ever seen. It’s certainly the best I’ve ever seen at an actual fishery located in the countryside in the middle of nowhere. I must confess I have spent money there. If the Cheshire Fishing Shop was a similarly stocked sex shop instead of a fishing shop, every single depraved and fun fetish would be catered for. Except anything to do with fishing, that is, as, to the best of my knowledge, there are no Fun Fetishes associated with Fish. This is true because in its current form (a tackle shop) you can get every item of fishing gear imaginable there but absolutely nothing connected with sex. (In fact Cheshire Fishing Shop has one Sex Connection, but I’ll get to that later).
So, on to the fishing report. As mentioned this mornings weather had been depraved and wet and slippery and yet not very nice nor sexual at all. The banks were sodden and muddy but the lakes were full to the brim of oxygen-rich rainwater and so I was expecting a great three hours of action. Actually, this is not true. The reason I was expecting a great three hours of action is that other anglers had visited the day before and had bagged up with loads of fish. Even though they were much better anglers than myself I felt confident enough in my fishing ability not to make a complete balls-up of the session. I very nearly did, though.
First of all I started on a short pole. I commenced catching small silverfish immediately and kept feeding steadily, expecting the bigger fish to show up. This actually went on for about 90 minutes. My pole rig was perfectly set up for silverfish. The problem was when eventually I did hook a decent sized carp (after said 90 minutes) my thin elastic stretched out about 30 feet. It was far too light to handle a fish of this size. Now, for those of you who don’t know about pole fishing, instead of using a reel to “play” a larger fish before landing it the pole has an internal elastic which absorbs the pulling, running movements of the fish.
The elastic is a fabulously wonderful and miraculous part of the angler’s fishing equipment. It can stretch and stretch without breaking because it is made of the world’s finest latex rubber. Which brings us to why Cheshire Fishing Shop (and every other British fishing shop) and Sex have a connection. We anglers have access to the FINEST latex rubber when we purchase our pole elastics. All of the best latex rubber produced on the planet goes into our pole elastics. The Rest of the World has to make do with second grade latex rubber in the condoms they buy. It’s because of We Anglers that there are so many unwanted pregnancies in the U.K. these days. Go on, sue us. You won’t get anything, we’ve already spent all our money in Fishing Shops.(Image of Condom is from the Pixabay Website, a great resource of free photographs, including photographs of Condoms).
As you can plainly see, I digress and ought to get back to our Fishing Report and so we shall, back to Our Carp bouncing around on our ever so light elastic. It (the elastic) was making a “WOIINNNNNG” sound and I actually had to have FIVE sections of pole out plus my arm stretched to its full pathetically short length (I am not a tall person) in order to land the fish which I did purely by luck. Clearly this wasn’t going to work and so I switched to a Top Two kit (that’s the top two sections of the pole which are elasticated) with a heavier Carp-suitable elastic. At least I would have had I brought the right Top Two kit. I hadn’t, the extra I’d brought was for another pole which I had left at home, and so I switched over to a match rod and very light waggler setup.
Immediately the bigger fish started coming. I had started on the waggler with a size 18 hook but after dropping (and thus swearing at) two carp I switched to a 16 with three red maggots. The fishing went nuts…one carp after another came to the net. What a stroke of GENIUS! Had I remembered the correct pole kit this would never have happened! And so it was by pure luck that I failed to Completely Balls Up The Session. Instead I got into Smooth Expert Angler mode, something I can only keep up for about 45 minutes without collapsing into Clumsy Birds Nest Tangle Fumbling Idiot Angler Mode. This was good because there were only about 35 minutes of daylight left. Here’s a condensed video of that short and wonderful (and VERY sexy) session:
Thanks for visiting The Compleat Angler. Tomorrow I have a ton of things to do and so I’ll probably go fishing again because it’s the right and irresponsible thing to do.
(If you like what you read here be sure to warn others about your sickness. Tell them to visit The Compleat Angler Website so that they have a better idea as to why you’re so ill).